The time between now and my last post hung in the air. Each day, the desire to compose words gets heavier and heavier. Even though I struggle to start, writing and re-writing even the simplest of lines, I am never in regret when I finish my writing.
My Bikram practice is similar. There are days, lately more often than not, where I fight with each posture, angry at my body when I should be more patient. Then angry at myself because I should know better. But never a regret when I finish my class.
And with cooking and baking, despite the failures of a sunken cake or a burnt dish, I give myself a moment to mourn and then I am onto the next dish. The disasters before me serve merely as reminders of the possibilities that lay ahead. Humility has wonderful gifts.
All these things, what they have in common for me, is that any pains related to them, I accept. I see them as a challenge so I grow and reach beyond what I can see ahead. Ultimately, it only makes me hungry for more. That, to me, is the definition of passion.
Passion, of course, can mean many different things to people. But there is the commonality of passion being a driving force for more. More success, more money, more material things, more education, more strength, more everything – both positives and negatives. Insatiability, some would even say. Like in yoga, we practice and practice for more. More strength, more flexibility, more patience, more peace. Not to be perfect, but to be better versions of ourselves.
But what happens when passion ceases to exists?
It begins to hurt. Menial things become tedious, the lightest tasks become insurmountable, conversations awkwardly uncomfortable because you can only feign interest so long. Then the numbness takes over as you watch the clock tick til the day’s end. In this environment, you can become careless, unrefined.
Then you find yourself impassive.
But because you can only be numb for so long and regardless if you’re ready or not, you will stumble upon a mirror that will show you the road you’ve just passed. Whether that mirror be another person, a loss, even an injury, or plain old self realization, you wouldn’t be able to ignore it because the universe does not pride itself in staying stagnant.
So there you stand in front of the mirror, and you are faced with choices. Do you continue on your path counting the seconds of the clock or search for passion again and choose the road you have not yet travelled?
I’ll let you know which way I’ve chosen when I figure it out. I hope you do too.